Monks: Total Tools

So my friend recently spoke to a monk on the street.

Uh-oh.

I think monks are really cool and all, but only on a theoretical level. You have to wonder what actually drives one to the ascetic life of a monk (and I mean hardcore robe-donning type). It's clearly not a mainstream human being that does this, and i know a whole lot of non-mainstream folk who don't become monks either. Monks have to have a special mix of love for bald heads and an affinity for strict dogma, which basically makes them Neo-Nazis.

I know there's a monk in every monastery who will make me feel like a complete assmunch for assuming he's an Aryan Abbot (instead of a totally enlightened Patrick Stewart), but i just had to come out and say it. Yes, I think monks are theoretically awesome and really cool in some situations, but too many people say that they'd just looooooove to be a monk. Guys, it's probably pretty boring at times. And your head i likely to get cold. And the clothes look like they itch. Who actually chooses that lifestyle?

And I don't know if i'd want a monk as a friend. Yeah, you'd get the chance to say "My friend THE MONK" but for every person who thought it was cool, you'd get another person thinking that you're just full of shit. (See, I used to be able to say, "My boyfriend is an actual Ninja." Most of my time was either spent explaining how that was true or just being sorta embarrassed.)

Hanging out with a monk might not be as enlightening as it may seem. I sense that i'd feel really guilty and stupid while they'd be using mystic mantras to steer ghostly swoops around my corporal body with their divine aura. Everyday conversations would just plain blow.

Me: When is the next train?
Normal Friend: Same time tomorrow.
Me: Oh, what time is it now?
Normal Friend: Five.
Monk Friend: *gliding in* This day will not come again. Each minute is a priceless gem.
Me: Um...
Monk Friend: *glowing* No need to check your watch. The time is now.
Me: Man, fuck you and your glowing.

Or...

Me: *Painting portrait* Seriously dude, I need you to stop moving or this is going to look like shit.
Monk Friend: It is not I. It is your mind that is moving.
Me: ...Right. But it's really gonna look like shit if you keep shifting.
Monk Friend: It is not the painting that looks like shit, it is you-
Me: OH COME ON! YOU CAN'T BE A REAL PERSON!


Monks: Theoretically Awesome, yet realistically creepy.

wow, so i wrote all of that just to get to these pictures i really want to show you. That friend I talked about way up at the beginning? He ended up buying a book from said monk, and it had all these AMAZING drawings in it. Now, I don't have any desire to go to hell or be reincarnated as Phil Angelides, so I'll do little more than make my observations and leave it as that (if i can hold myself back).

While I originally found these in my friend's book, these photos are courtesy krishna.com (i think).


This is an impressive drawing, to say the least. I'd just like to call your attention to the fetus flying through space.



I laughed, I cried, but I don't even know where to begin with this karmic drawing.


I think I'll let monks have a break now.