oh god.

also, i'm sitting in the exact same seat from which my backpack got stolen almost one year ago. i am extremely paranoid because of it.

oh wait, no. no. i'm not. i'm sitting in the seat next to it. i think the person who stole it was sitting in this one.

now i just feel sinister. >=}

unspecified organ inflammation. my favorite.

hold the mayo. i finally got a real doctor to look at my failing old bones. alas, i do not have sleeping sickness. i've got some kind of fatigue mixed up with a virus and some unspecified organ inflammation. shweeeet.

i would usually go about typing something quite responsible like this:

Note to self: lay off the booze.

oh wow, enough of that nonsense. you see, I can think of a million things that it could be before that (no, i can't). Ok, I can think of a handsome clusterfuck of things, but it's not entirely off my radar. so let it be said that I will probably not perform a legendary keg-stand at this friday's Cal Dems party. i hate to disappoint, but i'll probably be sleeping in some shady frat house corner anyways. ("why look, i found a rape victim in here!")

so anyways.

in case you haven't seen this yet, please consider it.

and if you don't already stalk this site every sunday, you should.

and here's the best way to waste a few hours.

ok bye.

things are funnier when you're drunk

today, i got drunk and listened to christmas music by sufjan stevens (yes, it's only 4:30).

but perhaps even MORE valuable is what i discovered. I haven't laughed so hard at a website in a long time, and i truly urge you to enjoy all of the experiments this man has performed. no really. it's amazing. oh wow, i just realized how much Brett's going to love this.


partake and rejoice: http://www.zug.com/scrawl/deathmatch/index.html

La Malade Imaginaire

i stressed out so much this morning that my back exploded into a rash. and now my joints hurt. i think i have the flu.

but i think i have lots of things, leading me to think that i may have developed hypochondria. which probably means i'm a (an?) hypochondriac. i can't tell if that's ironic or just obvious.

and in my quest to discover if all of my symptoms added up to some huge killer disease, i made a huge mistake of discovering this website: http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/symptomcenter.htm

now i can diagnose myself ALL DAY LONG. so far, i have had:
*lupus
*depression
*diabetes
*hypertension
*anxiety
*West African Trypanosomiasis

thank god they have a little warning, explaining that you should not actually diagnose yourself. for a minute there, i was ready to have my apartment fumigated for the noble tsetse fly.

i'm my own ass-kicker

i kicked a wall yesterday. now my foot hurts really bad.

the punchline: i also punched the wall, and that hurt about 100 times more at the time than the kick did. now i know my hand is far more resilient than my foot, and my foot is a gigantic pansy (and i thought the huge scar on it made it look like a badass).